Queen expected to skip the mass part of Royal Wedding

As the RSVPs to the upcoming nuptials between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle begin to return to Kensington Palace, sources close to the royals have revealed that the Queen is to skip the mass part of the ceremony, but will show up to the afters in time for the dinner.

Now in her late 80s, the Queen is said to have ‘a pain in the high hole of her arse’ with weddings and State functions, and had originally intended to just send a card to her grandson and his bride-to-be with a £200 gift voucher and her best wishes.

However, her majesty has been informed that it would be ‘bad form’ to have attended Prince William’s marriage to Kate Middleton and then stayed at home for Harry’s wedding, and as such a compromise has been reached where she and Prince Phillip will show up at the reception for a few hours ‘just to take the bad look off it’.

“When she got the invitation in the post, she said ‘ah not another c*nt of a wedding'” confirmed a Buckingham Palace aide.

“She’s just had a skinful of weddings and the like at this stage in her life, all the grandkids and cousins and so on are of marrying age, so it’s just one after the other. So it was agreed that she’d show up for the food and the band and the first dance, but when the cocktail sausages come out, that’s her cue to get the f*ck out”.

The quick exit is said to be a precautionary measure to make sure Prince Phillip doesn’t get a chance to talk to the bride’s family, ruining the relationship before it gets a chance to begin.

Specifically, no one expects her to be on the dance floor during Spice Girls songs, should the Spice Girls actually be performing that night.

According to Nicholl, it's important not to "forget the Queen is hugely close to her grandson. They have a very special relationship. She is thrilled to be seeing Harry settle down and finally marry." Perhaps the reason she's willing to turn up to the dinner.

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