Maltesers To Reduce Pack Size By A Staggering 30%

Kings Lynn- England In line with the recent peak cuts to Toblerone, the rounded corner’s of Dairy Milk bars, the ever shrinking tins of Roses, Celebrations and Quality Street, Mars Incorporated have now announced that packs of one of their most famous brands will be reduced by 30%.

CEO BME MBE Doug Parker said “As part of our ever expanding business needs we have to make the occasional adjustments to our products, this includes but not limited too, changing their shape, their ingredients and their size.

The main reason we do this is because we just aren’t making enough profit, we believe the British market is the best target as those are the people who are easiest to con.” He added “We’ll probably blame it on Brexit, or the devaluation of the pound, however 90% all our ingredients are sourced within the UK but most people just don’t care.

If those excuses don’t work we can always blame it on Hitler, i’m sure we can link him in some way, i’m just thinking out loud here, maybe in the unlikely event that our customers vote with their feet and walk away, we’ll just call them racists because our products are brown. Then they’ll come flooding back”

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